Today someone left a note on my car with this question scrawled in giant irate letters on a torn piece of paper towel. I’d like to take a moment to answer, you asshole with the delicate pink floral paper towel and black ball point pen, because it’s a valid question.

The answer is: very stupid.

I parked in a spot that basically blocked the end of the row of cars at our club. There’s currently a giant hill of sand being used for the golf course renovation and today, in my hurry, I parked right next to it. It was a bonehead move to be sure, but there were absolutely no other spaces and I was frantic to catch my kids’ last races.  I was only going to be ten or fifteen minutes so I went for it. I had this vague notion that I would have to back out the whole row to exit, but somehow, in my rush, the thought failed to evolve to completion: everyone else will have to back out too.

I’m not going to lie. The note bummed me out. It felt so rude, so aggressive, so underhanded, so unnecessary. I mean, let’s be real. Is it really that hard to back out? Is it really worth getting all pissed off and scrounging around your car for paper and a pen? Is it really worth it? My sense is no, but it got me to thinking about the difference between being stupid as an immutable quality (the note writer’s implication) and doing something stupid. What made me frown and crumple up the note with an unpleasant rush of adrenaline was the fact that I wasn’t getting the benefit of the doubt. Yes, I did something stupid. I do stupid stuff all the time. I just dropped my iPhone in the pool the other day. My sunroof is probably open right now and it’s raining. But I am not stupid.

If I were to be truthful, though, how often do I give others the benefit of the doubt? Do I draw this distinction when I see a giant white SUV taking up two parking spaces at Lunds? Do I think about possible mitigating factors (explosive diarrea, late for a job interview, wasp in the car)? No, I roll my eyes, I sigh, I feel superior, I might even mutter the word stupid along with some choice adjectives. I am just as impatient with other people’s stupidity as today’s scribe was with mine.

The note today, while surprisingly dickish in this land of stoic vikings, was a good reminder that we should all chill out and give each other a break. Maybe we should all be a little more patient with each other’s stupid moves, because sooner or later, we’re going to do something stupid too.

Having said that, I feel a little better now. But not better enough, so I’d simply like to add FUCK YOU, YOU PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PIECE OF SHIT! TAKE THAT ROLL OF PAPER TOWEL AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, YOU ANGRY LITTLE BITCH*!

Sigh. Much better.

*I don’t know if it was a woman or a man, so either way, this works. Sadly, I have a hunch it was a woman based on the availability of the paper towel and the penmanship. It just chaps my ass even more that a mama would dis another mama like that. You put a note like that on a minivan that looks like mine, and there be no doubt you be dissin’ a mama.

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5 Responses to “HOW STUPID ARE YOU?”

  • Rosalita Says:

    If I were to commit to a tatoo it would be, “can’t we all just lighten up?”
    You no stupid.
    The other swim momma truly lacks perspective – I bet it’s because she can’t dance and her sex life sucks. Just a hunch.

  • duddy Says:

    you go girl…i second the cause as a lack of dance moves and nookie. keen insight by rosalita.

  • marito Says:

    Oh its time to fuck a bitch up!! regardless of what your transgression was, this person made an excessive statement of retaliation/ self satisfaction. The only thing left to do now is escalate to an obscene level. First, this is clearly a person who keeps paper towel in the car. Assuming that they didn’t waste their last scap on you, it’s still there. Find it!!! i suggest using the kids, they’re less suspiscious in a parking lot. Once appropriately identified, begin by applying feces to the driverside door handle – whatever the source this will be disturbing to them. Since you don’t have a pet, dr. dash’s will do just fine. do this everytime you see the car for the next two months. Old family trick. Don’t get caught, cause then you’re stupid and unhygenic.

  • peevish mama Says:

    O.K. This is all very hilarious to me. I will send my kids on a mission to find the paper towel belonging to the sexless, danceless misanthrope post haste!

  • aaron Says:” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó….

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