OHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!
I opened up my comments today to find the following:
“I am very sorry I did not pay attention to you when I was in 5th grade. It only had to do with the fact that girls were not on my mind. I do miss Way School and the simpler times of life. I am glad that I could be of help with the frog.”
The comment is from none other than – are you ready for this? Jeff freaking Borglin!!! My fourth grade crush! I wrote about him in a post last year about falling in love with music and in my infinite naivete, it didn’t occur to me that this post could somehow land right in his lap. But it did. And he has reached across a span of thirty years to what, WHAT? Apologize for having ignored me when I was at dawn of my ugliest awkward stage and the high noon of my goofiest annoying stage? Who can blame the poor guy? Certainly not me.
Of course, I can think of no better surprise than to google my name (not that I’d ever do that) and discover a luscious little memoir piece written by some boy from my past, but he is not me. I cannot even begin to imagine what he thinks about all this business, let alone whether he even remembers me! His message is so terse and spare, he gives nothing away. Jeff freaking Borglin!!! JEFF FREAKING BORGLIN!!! (Notice I will hereinafter refer to him exclusively as “Jeff freaking Borglin” to thwart any further google searches. So crafty.)
The more I think about it, the more humiliating this is. I could DIE! And by die, I mean in the fourth grade way, not the fast approaching middle age way. Incidentally, this is why I would never join Facebook. Obviously I’m not cut out for these kinds of blasts from the past. This is almost as embarrassing as the time I wiped out in front of his house whilst trying to do a dance routine on my bike to the song Electric Avenue. Almost.
Ever the sceptic, Doctor Dash reminded me that it could be a trick. But there appears to be a legitimate email address and he used the proper appellation for our school. Moreover, who of my friends would go so far back into my archives? And wouldn’t said trickster have posted something a little, uh, juicier? Such as: I remember you, Peevish Mama, so many years ago, so beautiful in your powder blue moon boots that didn’t match your tan and navy ski jacket, which your mother told you, but you didn’t care about because you wanted those boots so bad. No, wait. Strike that. How about: I remember you, Peevish Mama, so many years ago, so lovely in your powder blue moon boots. It was only the paralyzing potion of love and fear that kept me from talking to you at the bus stop, but oh, how I wish I’d had the words to turn your sweet face in my direction. Every single day of my life, I regret not having beckoned you out of the bushes behind my house where you and your friend used to spy on me while I watched TV. And when you fell on your cool bike, it took all of my strength to stand on my lawn with my mouth agape and my football in my hand when all I wanted to do was to run to you, cradle you gently in my arms and croon the remaining verses of Electric Avenue in your ear. Right? People, am I right? THAT might be suspicious.
I think it’s him. I do.
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!
February 20th, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Odd you shun Facebook over privacy, Gaby. You put yourself out there on Peevish in ways that far exceed the quick peek flasher-culture of the ‘Book. Thank God for it. Choosing between reading a friend’s journal, an honest reflection on this oh-so-accidental yet purposed and magical life, versus reading a two-liner about how some jackass cut you off in traffic, plays out as no choice at all. Look at this bizarre occurance of cyber-induced contact as happy rewards for Peevish Mama dealing in the only currency that matters–the truth.
February 24th, 2010 at 2:40 pm
Out of all the names I have been called, I think I like “Jeff freaking Borglin” the best. For verification purposes my 4th grade teacher was Mrs. Lowell. Do you remember her? All I remember is getting whacked with her yard stick for being a smart ass. Your kids are beautiful.. I have two boys myself Hockeyboy and E-bubaruski.
February 24th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Doh! Oh, hey. Hi there, Jeff. I do remember Mrs. Lowell. Verification successful. This is truly surprising and hilarious. Unbelievable, really. Jeff freaking Borglin!!!
February 25th, 2010 at 2:59 pm
Hey PM, I am trying to remember a girl with the name Peevish and I am drawing a blank. Do you have an alias that I might remember? By the way, my oldest son loves “we don’t need no education.” Oh how I worry about him when he goes off to college. He seems to be just like me.
February 25th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
No way, Mister. If you still haven’t pinned all of this silliness to a name and a face, then I’m not about to spill the beans now. You’ll just have to scour your mental map of the neighborhood to see if you can figure it out on your own. Until then, it’s peevish mama to you. p.s. Hockeyboy has good taste in music.
February 26th, 2010 at 9:11 am
“Simple Good and Tasty is pleased to welcome writer Gabriela Lambert…”
I’m guessing this is an alias also. I am trying hard to remember about a pool and a dead frog. Four maniacal years at IU makes it a bit more challenging to archive back 30 years. I do recall powder blue moon boots though…. Hockeyboy has recently found some classic rock gems on my ipod that I did not even introduce to him. I am so proud, Guitar Hero probably helped.
February 26th, 2010 at 11:13 am
Busted. We were over on Lane Lake Ct. Little brother, golden retriever named Ginger. Don’t fret about this too much. Nine year old girls can be VERY dramatic and have VERY good memories.
And, hey, Flan! Thanks for the comment, friend. Didn’t mean to ignore you in the midst of all this Jeff freaking Borglin mania. Means a lot to me that you tune in.
February 28th, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Wow. Such a little banter going back and forth there. Is the doctor getting a little jealous? Old crushes die hard.
March 3rd, 2010 at 10:06 am
He should be jealous since I am a rocket scientist who has walked on the moon. Maybe PM is not into that kind of guy though. Let me know if you need references.
March 25th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Whoa, Jeff freaking Borglin!
First time reader but the 1-2 whammy of your reason for not being on Facebook AND that you perfectly described for me why the heck I always cry at parades (that physical sensation of great talent, in a parade-ish kind of way I guess) made me compelled say oh, Hi!
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