Turns out I was right – Slacker mommies rule!
Devi the Mother Goddess
If it’s in the New York Times, then it must be true. This article in yesterday’s magazine talks about the dawn of a new era in parenting. Helicopter parenting is passé, and suddenly it’s cool to be cool about raising your kids. Over programed, pressure cooker childhoods are theoretically being phased out in favor of freer, more idle ones. My favorite term in the article is “free range parenting” which is something I’ve talked about here and here and here (hell, ninety percent of this blog is me flailing good mother and bad mother hats around, frantically trying to see which one fits). I love the idea of allowing our kids to roam a bit – letting their limbs and hearts grow strong, giving their confidence and street smarts a chance to rub up against something real, possibly even rough. In theory, I love it and I’m taking little steps to put my money where my mouth is. Saint James and Supergirl are allowed to “go exploring” at the creek in front of our house as long as they stick together (although, I blushingly admit to concocting a plan to go to REI to buy them super loud camping whistles to take with them on these excursions – I haven’t done it yet, but I might). Of course, this winter when they went, Saint James came back with a broken arm after having fallen out of a tree – which I took as a cosmic slap for my having shooed them out the door for a bit of peace and quiet, er, I mean, fresh air.
The article’s author, Lisa Belkin, points out that this new found laid back attitude may just be another permutation of the hyper aware parenting we are all guilty of. We are constantly analyzing and questioning our methods and our motives when it comes to our kids, and this could just be the next fad, an extension of our parenting neurosis. Maybe we are starting to wonder – what good are Suzuki violin lessons and Chinese lessons and hockey and karate if our kid ends up an ineffectual stressball incapable of making his own decisions? Now it seems we want our children to be socially conscious and creative thinkers and we’ll be damned if we don’t figure out a way to get them there.
I think she’s right, but I also think that regardless of how we arrive at it, the end result of backing off will benefit everyone. If we need to rationalize it as being good for our children, then so be it. We need to disentangle a bit – redraw the line between grown ups and children. We need to take back some of the pleasures of adulthood (drinks and uninterrupted conversation) and in turn give our kids back some of the pleasures of childhood (time – time to be bored, to read, to pretend, to create something out of nothing, to run for the hell of it). There must be a reason the words idle and idyll are so close phonetically. Why, in our super crazed lives, do these words seem like polar opposites?
I fully admit that my constant musings on this topic are partially borne of old fashion laziness. I don’t want to be in the super mommy competition anymore. Here, take my sensible shoes and my flash cards. I make a point of surrounding myself with other slacker mommies whenever possible. It just makes life more bearable and as it turns out, we’re right on trend. Our kids are gonna be genius! Bring on the kitten heels and the gin and tonics, girls!
